Comments on: Arab Diaspora: Shall I Marry a Non-Arab?

By: Dee

Dee — Sun, 26 Feb 2012 02:17:29 +0000

This is not about Arab men being disrespectful or this idea that all Arab men mistreat their women. This is about a woman choosing and having the right to be with the man that she wants, the man that she is in love with or a man who she knows will be the perfect person to live with for the rest of her life.When he is willing to change his life and convert to Islam for her, that means that he is willing to sacrifice anything for her.

The problem is that our society looks down upon Arab women marrying non Arab men. People will start pondering about why is she with a “white guy”? They’ll gossip and make their own excuses, each worse than the other.

I am one of those women, I’m in love with a Kiwi convert and he is the most amazing man I have ever met. When i confronted my parents they tried to drift us apart by making me move cities, now they are trying to make me move countries. My father has spoken to him and enjoyed his company and realized what a great person he is but still since my sister has been recently engaged and cause of the Arab society that lived around us they seem to have it plastered in their minds that this is a bad idea. Also they seem to be extremely worried about the chances of divorce only since he is Kiwi and I am Arab, but isn’t it the same if i was to marry an Arab man???? In fact I am sure there are more cases of divorce between Arab marriages than between cross culture marriages!!! In fact my auntie is an example herself!!

I will keep fighting though, this is the new generation of Arab women, and I will fight with whatever stands in my way. Marriage is not just about reproduction. It is about being able to live with an individual, love and trust them for the rest of your life. Being Arab or non Arab…

By: Ismail

Ismail — Thu, 27 Oct 2011 09:02:24 +0000

Assalam,
I understand. Forgive me if I wrote anything that cam across as judgmental. Your experiences are your experiences. I would just say that Muslim women aren’t alone in this behavior. I know of many women and men that have preconditions for their potential spouse.

I’ve learned the hard way that when talking about Islam know your audience. This blog is a mix. There are many Arab and/or Asian born people that refer to themselves as Muslims but are not. They were raised in Islam and as adults have wondered away. They no longer practice the faith and make us that do look extreme to Westerners.

Allah Khair,

Ismail

By: Talal Malik

Talal Malik — Wed, 26 Oct 2011 15:01:12 +0000

W alikum El-Salam,
Mr.Ismail thanks for you reply and I appreciate that . first thing that you should know I’m an Arabic and Muslim and I won’t ever say anything bad to put my religious down … here I live in our Arabic world and I met so many girls here and I got a lot of female friends .. there’re many things we couldn’t ignore in our Arabic world because we did that till it became huge problems … here most of girls as if you talked to them you will find them with no idea about anything , they are beautiful but they had not even opinion about many things .. that wasn’t in Islam dear , but they raised to care about their beauty the most as that’s their wealth … their reason in that they will get good husband .. as I said before they care about that the most , that husband should have everything like apartment and car or any other financial stuff (whatever a lot of guys in Arab world couldn’t even find any job) that make that guys feel like he buy a girl that her family sold her to who pay the most .
that shown the rate of divorce is increasing … girls don’t even handle love stuff because think love won’t make them marry and their families won’t agree to marry some one with no apartment at less … girls here in Egypt still ask for Gold .. is that was in Islam?!! … the point I wanna say if the guys here in Arabic world are bad that is cause of girls and they helped them to be like that and that’s not related by Islam

By: Ismail

Ismail — Tue, 25 Oct 2011 18:22:22 +0000

Assalam Alaikum Everyone,
Br. Malik I realize it is okay to have an opinion. On the other hand, it’s a terrible thing to stereotype all Arab women or anyone in general.
I live in the US where most Americans know very little about Islam or the people that practice; therefore, their baseline for information is different.
When you or anyone post negative comments about Muslims or Islam (although I’m sure you mean well) it isn’t understood in the way you want your message delivered.
You are adding more fuel to their fire.
I think the thought you were expressing could fit anyone that has been oppressed, whether male, female, Muslim, or non-Muslim. We (humans) have a tendency to put our faith in everything except what we are supposed to.

By: Talal Malik

Talal Malik — Tue, 25 Oct 2011 13:16:05 +0000

I’m with you in all what you said about Arab men , but it’s just result of how is Arabic women… Arabic women raised focus on only one idea (How to get marry), they also don’t care that much to get good education or to look for their future … most Arabic women have so narrow vision about currently crisis and events around them , they just put their dreams on men and most of them depend on men not depend on themselves .. that make men look at them as they are so weak and brainless .. that make men sexist and non respectful to them … I’m just asking all Arab women to care about their brains and educations more than how they care about getting marry and they will get best man .

By: geoerge

geoerge — Mon, 24 Oct 2011 15:51:50 +0000

many times we are put into trials and challenges of love and with these inter cultural, inter racial relationships takes further and further as the new generations see thru it. In my opinion, follow your heart, follow where it leads you. in the first place it is your life. Consider all aspects if you have to revert to islam for the love of it, so be it, thats love, if you have to do what is best. But never settle down of what you are afraid of. That is what future can it bring both of you.. Future is not seen but what is important is the present and both of you can make the best out of it

By: geoerge

geoerge — Mon, 24 Oct 2011 15:44:07 +0000

hi there, we have the same situation…what happened to your and your arab palestinian girlfriend ? did it worked out ? have you considered reverting to islam ?

By: veronica

veronica — Tue, 14 Sep 2010 17:54:51 +0000

Iam looking for my husband Ahmed s Alneaimi.can’t get you out of my mind I was wrong I listen to opinions of others.i miss you so much.cultures and religions should not matter but respected.follow your heart.

By: Kristy

Kristy — Mon, 02 Aug 2010 16:43:16 +0000

I think that human beings should marry for love, and keep fidelity to that love. Most of us believe in only one God… regardless of what the religion is called. Perhaps we follow different Prophets, but at the end of the day, there is only God, and only God can decide who marries whom. I agree to one thing-if a Muslima wants to marry outside of her culture, it should be only to a Muslim. Whether that Muslim man is converted or “born” Muslim, that is between the wife and the husband.
Other than that… let marriage be for love. Marriage is a man’s way of showiing his devotion and love, as well as respect to the woman he loves. Marriage is a decent and good way to live and have a family. Any relation outside of marriage really leads to nothing good.
I wish the best for everyone. You may or may not agree with my opinions… but what I am saying is based on religious principles and moral principles.

By: Ismail

Ismail — Sat, 12 Jun 2010 13:40:01 +0000

I am an American. I believe the media drives the negative stereotypes that Westerners seem to have. The transgressions of the media are not only a western problem but a global problem. Unfortunately hate and misery sell.

Islam is perfect and has no extremes because this is Allah’s (God’s) Will. Unfortunately, it is its followers that are imperfect, sometime extreme, and intolerable. Like Christians, Catholics, Jews, and other groups, we can be weak.

Respect and tolerance is the key. Not only the key on a global level but in our own lives. The mere question of “Shall I marry a Non-Arab” is interesting. The Qur’an was given to us so we don’t have to ask questions like this. In our imperfection, we choose to challenge Allah’s Will which is haram (sinful). Muslim Men can marry any woman of the book, descendents of Prophet Ibrahim (Abraham). A Muslim woman can marry any Muslim Man, no matter his ethnicity/nationality.

By: yyy

yyy — Fri, 11 Jun 2010 01:38:26 +0000

I am a western woman and I suppose I would marry a non-religous arab. I believe that inter-racial marriages are ok, I have seen many inter-racial marriages that work well, however – the issue here is not the inter-racial problem or even the problem of different cultures but the belief that most arab men have that you must SUBMIT to their way and to the way of Islam. I am a Catholic woman and I would never convert to Islam and I would never raise my children as muslim. The only condition I would find acceptable is if we were both to teach our children about different religions and allow them to choose for themselves. But most muslim men do not agree with even this kind of compromise – they believe that their religion is superior – just look at the koran and you will see many statements about the moral inferiority of “dhimmis” Islam is currently the most intolerant religion in the world – if 500 years ago people feared the spanish inquisition – today we all have to fear the islamic inquisition!!!

By: Luis Soto

Luis Soto — Wed, 03 Mar 2010 04:04:27 +0000

hi my name Luis Soto and this women ive been seeing for a year from palestine and her mom believes in her only marrying an arab and must be from palestine. i love her so much at times i see myself crying because this may never lead anywhere. it sucks for me being a catholic that i cant be with her but if we kept on going and we led to marriage i would learn about islam and convert.

By: Ibrahima lamine

Ibrahima lamine — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 04:13:47 +0000

Thank you brothers and sisters for your comments regarding mix marriages with different cultures , societies , belived and traditions.

Generally, women have to be respected in any circumstances. she is a human being like a men. But those who are willing to marry non arab have to know their partners very well before getting involved, otherwise you will end up by critising those who have a happy marriage with their beloved wife. all marriages are based on happiness and happiness is the key to success. women are the most powerful in this world. for example, look around you? beside every successful men then there will be a great women who are the highest decision makers in the society but she is beside her husband.

By: Media and Islam: Global Voices – Inside Islam

Media and Islam: Global Voices – Inside Islam — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 22:36:20 +0000

[...] many of the stories seem personally relevant. For example, I felt close to the many voices in the discussion in the Arab diaspora over whether one should marry a non-Arab because Chinese-Americans face a similar struggle within families and within [...]

By: Ismail

Ismail — Fri, 09 Oct 2009 03:42:16 +0000

I am an American Revert to Islam. I have a read the comments and although some see a bit odd, I understand.

I think life and marriage can be as simple as we want it to be. Family and friends are great; however, if they prevent your happiness due to their ignorance, the choice should be easy.

Do what makes your heart happy and marry only for love. Your family might not like your decisions but they will always love you.