By: Malikha Abdullahwali

Malikha Abdullahwali — Tue, 28 Jul 2009 19:49:31 +0000

Bismillah Ar Rahman Ar Rahim-As Salaamu Alaikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu
Insha Allah, I hope that each of us (women) who are participants on this blog site and particularly those responding to these threads will reference our source of knowledge (Al-Quran Kareem) in order to arrive at sound and correct decisions related to our relationships-whether spousal or otherwise. A marriage between two people is a union sanctioned by Allah SWT and these individuals have the responsibility to educate themselves about the Islamic values pertaining to this union under Shariah-(The rights of a wife and the rights of a husband). Let us not be misguided into believing that the current understanding about marital relationships is in accord with Islamic principles and values. There is unfortunately a strong connection to western ideals and pre-Islamic practises that is influencing the men and women within our ummah thus causing a severe and sometimes irreparable break in the bonds of marriage. First of all in order for a marriage to be successful both parties must play by the rules that have been outlined in Al-Quran. For instance, the simple instruction of acquiring a wali before any nikkah can take place have become a thing of the past. Adherence to simple instructions are no longer part of the plan. The other major problem that lays the cornerstone for divorce is a wife who totally(blindly) depends on her husband without any motivation to contribute to her own personal and professional development. When a woman believes that her husband is the one whom she should depend on for all her needs, she has unraveled the first knot of the relationship. Furthermore, let us not forget the insurmountable demands that families are placing on a man who asks for a woman’s hand in marriage these days i.e. a furnished flat, car, money in the bank, a 20,000Le dowry and sometimes plane tickets to bring other members to the event. If a man endures all of that and sticks to his commitment to marry this woman;I can assure you that sooner or later he will realize how much he has been abused by greedy self-centered in-laws and may decide that it was not worth his time; especially when the woman also does not show any sense of gratitude. Some women on the other hand are bartering their virginity; reminding their husbands that they married a virgin therefore he should be honored by this???!!!! This type of woman apparently forgets that a good man wants a woman who prides herself in practising her deen and maintaining her dignity and self-respect. One who understands that if she feels oppressed in a relationship she should seek help from her Rabb before things get out of control. In other words most divorces are caused by both parties involved; it is certainly not a one-sided act. Women need to stop whining and complaining and turn to Allah SWT for answers and solutions to their problems. Stop trying to see if the man is suffering as you are suffering. Stop using sex, make-up and other trivialities to attract your husband while remaining clueless as to who is the source of your rizq. (I am not saying that you should not beautify yourself at home). However you should establish your priorities and spend your time strengthening your relationship with Allah SWT; who is by the way the best Marriage Counselor! Your husband can’t do anything for you unless Allah SWT allows him to. Stop putting your husbands on pedestals and creating abnormal expectations of him. Even your most intimate moments with the man of your dreams is due to Allah’s Rahmah! If a man decides he wants to leave you then you need to examine yourself to see how you have contributed to this dilemma. Stop blaming the man and take responsibility for the objectives that you have established. Pray Tahajjud frequently and seek abundant Rahmah from our Rabb regarding all of your affairs. And do not forget the meaning of Qadr Allah…Nothing will happen unless Allah SWT allows it to happen-Qadr Allah!
Indeed, Allah will not change the condition of a people until they change what is in themselves(Quran 13:11)
So when you have finished [your duties], then stand up [for worship]. And to your Lord direct [your] longing.(Quran 94:7)

Comments on: Egyptian Women and a Fresh Outlook on Divorce

By: Malikha Abdullahwali